KAP has worked differently than EMDR or other treatments as it enables me to process forgotten trauma, missing memories, physical sensations, etc without having to remember the specific details. Over the years, these blocked memories and physical traumas have been the biggest obstacle to my treatment. I have survived the depression, anxiety, insomnia, and other cPTSD effects, through denying, minimizing, self harm (eating disorder + substance/alcohol abuse), over working, being over active, isolation, people pleasing, etc. Basically, my firefighters and critics have taken the wheel most of my life.

 

The antidepressant relief was felt immediately after the first session; the behavioral and mental changes have been more gradual over the last six months. 

 

Some changes include:  how seamlessly I can accomplish tasks, get out of bed, good posture and PT/yoga, keeping good habits, interviewing for over a dozen jobs, planning and showing up (I struggle with keeping plans or having energy) for friend adventures, reconnecting with positive people, less social anxiety, excitement to try new things, ability to maintain eye contact, genuinely interacting with strangers, to feel and be with an entire range of emotions (notably rage) without regression, to clearly express my emotions/needs, to express and uphold boundaries, and (the biggest one) disowning my life-long abuser and navigating the backlash/disregard of my complex traumatic experience.

 

I can feel my heart energy and want to love/help everyone feel better. I'm more connected to the left side of my body/right brain, than I can ever remember. I experience patience, grace, and respect for myself, my experience, emotions, struggles, etc. instead of numbing out with marijuana and alcohol to push away the feelings that have been fighting to be expressed and felt. 

 

I feel blessed to be part of something bigger than myself, transitioning from surviving to thriving. I can finally feel for/connect with my inner child, being on her own from a very early age (possibly birth), and believe that I had no control over the things that were done to me. My bad habits aren't a reflection of my soul, it's what I did/do to survive. I can slowly transition away from these habits as I'm safe and healing, they no longer serve me. I feel God's love and protection like I've never before, that the universe has my back.

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                                                                                                                                                                         ~ S.C.

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